


Just like before, i should have told you again. I'm so sorry

by Youreeverythingihad



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Abuse, M/M, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-03
Updated: 2013-10-03
Packaged: 2017-12-28 08:13:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 642
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/989768
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Youreeverythingihad/pseuds/Youreeverythingihad
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ashton lost himself and Michael somewhere in the mix</p>
            </blockquote>





	Just like before, i should have told you again. I'm so sorry

**Author's Note:**

> i'm really sorry, my brain wouldn't stop and i had to write something

It’s quiet when the glass door to the balcony opens and a cold body steps out into an even colder atmosphere. He treads quietly as he steps into the fresh air, afraid to make even a sound at the risk of waking his demon. 

“Why can't I be free” It’s barely even a whisper, the fear of what could be coming is too great and he gulps down the air, happy to be free, even for a while.

He sees it, right there in front of him. The freedom he’s been looking for, longing for and he wants it so badly but he can't because if he fails then the consequences are too high, it’s happened before and he couldn’t walk the next day.

But the allure of the possibility of escaping it all, escaping him. It’s so strong and so high. He’s got one leg over the balcony when a cold, dead voice stops him.

“Ashton” That’s all he has to say and Ash knows he’s in shit, deep in shit.

“Michael” It’s like they don’t even know each other anymore, any kind of love faded a long time ago, after the first hospital trip maybe?

“Come inside babe, it’s cold out here” But his tone promised nothing but pain and Ashton for the moment considered how easy it would be to throw himself over the edge but Michael had anticipated it, no matter how much they denied it, Michael still new everything about Ashton, it was Ashton who was getting lost. Michael had already lost it along the way.

“Get inside now Ashton, it’s not a question” Running isn’t in the question anymore so Ash follows and zones out as he knows what’s coming, the hours of pain he has to feel.

\--

It’s 3am and he can't sleep, not because of the love that doesn’t love him back or because of the demons in his head, it’s the demon he loves that’s laying next to him in the bed that’s the cause of it all.

He loves him so much but hates him so much more, hates the monster that he’s become and the victim that’s been made of him. He is not a victim, not until it’s over and he’s dead.

And he’s determined to not be a victim so instead he becomes a fighter. A fighter with a plan.

“Mmm, Ashton, why don’t you make breakfast? I’ll help if you like?” And he won’t help, they both know it so Ashton smiles, a little fake smile that will never reach his eyes.

“Have a lie in, I’ll bring it through” The hardest part of the day is getting up and assessing the injuries from the night before and there are so many today, almost too many to count.

“Fuck” He nearly cries at the reflection staring back at him, bruised and bloody and broken. He looks broken, not just his skin but his eyes, they’re so dead. 

“Ashton! Are you in the kitchen?” So he goes to the kitchen, the fear is so strong. It’s there all the time no matter what, everything he used to use to escape it was taken from him, friends, family, music. Everything. 

“Yeah! We have no milk, do you want to get some?” Michael usually doesn’t let him leave the house alone, maybe today he’ll be too tired.

“No! there’s money in my jean pocket” So Ashton walks carefully in the bedroom to grab the money only to be met by a fist.

“Don’t do anything stupid” And then he’s gone and there’s money on the floor in front of him, accompanied with a lovely bruise.

\--

“I could run, should I run” Is literally filling his head as he walks towards the store and takes a deep breath. The thoughts are so loud in his head that he doesn’t see his saviour.


End file.
